AIRES (March 21 – April 19)
Ah, Airetians. The horn section. As the sun glides majestically into your realm, things begin to sizzle. This astrological sauna shall melt away unwanted pounds. Namely, toxic relationships. So kick that mooching roomie to the curb. Text that Don Juan a “Dear John”. And for the love of all things mystical, stop agreeing to cat sit for that doddering dingbat in 5E. I understand her gummy grin makes you melt, but she is using you!
Happy New Year! (Astrological New Year that is…)
After a cosmic soiree, all of the planets celebrate by making New Year’s Resolutions. Jupiter cuts carbs, Venus gets a boob job, and Pluto quits cigars. And when the gymnasium in Gemini re-opens, who’s the first to hit the dumbbells? Why, it’s that magnificent mountain of man-meat, Mars. As Mars mounts a weight machine, he heaves & glistens with cosmic endorphins from which you shall feel an inner-swelling of get-up-and-go.
But soon Mars dabbles in steroids, and your get-up-and-go turns to hot-under-the-collar. You grow prickly, mouthy, and perhaps a trifle dickish.
Relax feisty Starlet, for come April, Venus shall be teaching yoga in the park of Aries, and soon your turpitude shall turn to solitude.